Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
