a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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