Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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