I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
