You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
