Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
