Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
