If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
