1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
