That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
