pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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