Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
whose parrot is this?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
