Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
