So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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