her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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