Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
