the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
