I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
