She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
