No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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