good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your cock deserves a montage
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
