i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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