Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
