can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize