imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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