Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
