Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
