Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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