so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
