Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
