Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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