finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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