My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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