he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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