Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
