Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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