I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
