And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
