i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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