I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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