i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
