Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
