I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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