It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
