found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
