Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize