He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
