i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
