please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
