Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am puke
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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