dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
