wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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