from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
is it fun? or sober?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
