I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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