Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
