i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
